Epilog

So much has been written following the death of my Mother, Judy, I feel like anything here would be redundant...so..see the following site:http://judithtoups.blogspot.com/

Final Chapter.....

Well, all good things must come to an end, and ones' status in life will not change this fact. On Tuesday, Feburary 27, my mother, Judith A. Toups, passed on to the whatever is after this life. I do not pretend to know what is after this. It could be everything, or it could be nothing. I prefer to exist in the here and now and will deal with such issues upon my demise. Mom passed away in her own home, surrounded by her entire family, with the addition of several other people that have earned the right to enter the clan by being there when called upon. The end could not have been any better, if it is possible to associate better with death. She went with little pain (not sure if this is the case, but from outward appearances, we can hope). She held on long enough to acknowledge the presence of each of her six children, not with words, but with outstretched arms, and a gentle hug. After the last of her brood arrived, she relaxed and slipped into the limbo that Xanax and pain meds provide. In short order, her breathing slowed and her poor heart raced, beating so hard as to not complete the pumping cycle before asked to start again. All of us, including our adopted members of the clan, took shifts at her beside, lest she awaken and not have someone there. Brother #2, Jay August, had the privilage to be present when she passed. The word was given that she was close to leaving us, but by the time we made it back to her room, she had departed, and the pent up emotions of the day broke the binds of self-control and flowed freely amongst the family. Grief is a personal emotion and is exhibited in different ways by different people, but I must say, everyone present felt more at ease knowing that it was over. Even the most fragile of our clan exhibited impressive control over what is probably the most intense emotion that we as humans are shackled with. I feel that the circumstances contributed to our overall sense of ease, as mom went with her family by her side and did not linger at the end. As usual, the woman had a goal, and she achieved it. She had said she wanted the end to come quickly so that we, her family, would not have to endure what she had experienced watching her parents go. It is reassuring that even her final moments were a direct result of her own determinations that had served her so well in life. We can all take a lesson from her. We should LIVE and not just exist. We should DO and not just talk. And we should LOVE, unconditionally and without restraint. This amazing woman still had a lesson to give and by god, she gave it, and a little thing called death was not enough to stop her. Rock on Mom!!

Her memorial service still has to be firmed up and I will give details in another post, titled...you guessed it, Epilogue.

Pages still to be written............

Every once in a while, you come across a story that is so engrossing that, without much notice, you might find yourself on the final chapter and might hesitate to continue with the knowledge that the end is approaching. You and I both know that this is normal and the story will end, whether we want it to or not. The good news is that the story still has pages to be written and the end, by no means, is set in stone. This story, from my stand point, begins at my birth (of conscience). I was not present at the very beginning and have to count upon those that were to fill in the missing details. The story is that of a displaced yankee and her struggle to establish and maintain an identity that was hers and hers alone. The setting is familiar in that many of us can relate to having been cast in a mold and subsequently having to free ourselves from what could have been a meager and uneventful existence. The main character in this story not only created a unique identity for herself, but for her family as well. To this day, we are known as Judy's kids. I have and will continue to wear this moniker proudly. Mom broke the mold early in life, having been a member of a Rifle squad in her high-school years. This was at a time where the woman was expected to stay at home, cook, clean, and raise the children and doing something outside of this narrow definition was frowned upon and even ridiculed. I can say that she has excelled at all endeavors that she has set upon and has re-written the definition in her own hand to include just about anything one may think of. She took up painting early in my childhood, not in an effort to escape her life, but as a way to enrich her life and ours by proxy. Her sphere of influence grew exponentially when she discovered the calm and peaceful hobby of birdwatching. Here again, she has gone past the norm and taken a hobby and turned it into a life-style. She has poured herself into this "hobby" and what has resulted is a legacy that will be apparent on the coast of Mississippi for years to come. What is amazing, to me at least, is that she did this without alienating her still dependent offspring and even managed to pass the bug to one of us at least. My life list is at 98. A paltry sum for someone of her prowness, but passable for someone like me. The Judith A. Toups birding trail in Ocean Springs Ms will be a pilgimage that I will take whenever I need to remember this part of her. Throughout my life, she has been a constant. There even when removed by several hundred miles. There because of who she is and what she has passed on to me. There by giving and becoming a respected member of her community and a naturalized southerner and stumpjumper. I would bet that the vast majority of those that know her or her name, don't know that she's a yankee. Let's just say that one's birthplace does not dictate one's identity. Besides, not many would believe it. I could continue to ramble on, but time marches on, and with it, the obligations that life requires. I shall end this with a promise to continue this story as it unfolds. Oh yeah...one more thing. Call your MOM instead of just wishing you did.